Thursday, November 24, 2011

haiku retrospective cclxxviii

march skies
wood chips and spiders
in the woodshed

Does this haiku give you the idea that there's not much left in the woodshed except wood chips and spiders? Would it help to state it more explicitly? I've tried a few different ways, and every one has made it less of a haiku rather than more of one.

26 March 2003

march skies --
the rumble of trucks
on the distant highway

26 March 2003

war news
dead bean vines rustle
in the breeze

26 March 2003

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